You know what I think?

The suicide rate for soldiers in the military are on the rise, exceeding the pace of the all time high created last year, and for the first time ever since the Vietnam war the rate of the general population.
Ninety- three us soldiers had killed themselves through the end of August. A third of those case are under investigation by the Armed Forces Medical Examiner's Office.
Last year in 2007 115 had committed suicide.

Failed relationships, legal and financial troubles, and the high stress of wartime operations in Iraq and Afghanistan are the leading factors linked to the suicides, Army officials said.
The officials voiced concern that an array of Army programs aimed at suicide prevention has not checked a years-long rise in the suicide rate. Still, they said, the number of deaths probably would have climbed even more without such efforts.

The Army's suicide rate has increased from 12.4 per 100,000 in 2003, when the Iraq war started, to 18.1 per 100,000 last year. Suicide attempts by soldiers have also increased since 2003, said Col. Eddie Stephens, deputy director for human resources under the Army's personnel division.

This year the death rate is likely to exceed that of a demographically similar segment of the U.S. population -- 19.5 per 100,000, Stephens said. According to service officials, the last time that occurred was in the late 1960s during the Vietnam War, when the United States had a draft Army that suffered from serious discipline problems.
Army prevention programs to this point have not trained soldiers adequately in what to do after they learn a comrade is in crisis, said Brig. Gen. Rhonda Cornum, the Army's assistant surgeon general for force protection.
"If they're having a problem at home and we can keep a family together, reduce stress by sending a soldier home so he can take care of that problem, we're doing that," McBride said yesterday by video link from Iraq.

DUST ANGELS- JESS TURNER

Daddy's little boy wants to know why his fathers been gone so long
while his mother sits beside him watching shadows on the wall
she steps outside it just seems to be too much.
she puts a finger to her lips they still remember his

And although its been a while her heart stil aches
and the dove that lives inside her soul has lost the will to fly
and dust angels are watching over us
and dust angels walk beside us
the future is yet to come
the past can not be undone
dust angels will be with us

its that special day the one he waits for every year
he asks his mama when its time when she sends him to the store
he picks out tha special white ballon
and ties it up with a note
he sends it up into the sky says "i think he got it"

And although its been a while her heart stil aches
and the dove that lives inside her soul has lost the will to fly
and dust angels are watching over us
and dust angels walk beside us
the future is yet to come
the past can not be undone
dust angels will be with us

dust angels

I had him a little earlier than I was suppose to.
I had him 6 weeks early.
Hes doin ok tho. Hes having trouble breathing on his own. But besides that, hes doing good. hes also pretty big for a premi too! So thats also good news.
I get to touch him every now and then when I go to the hospital to visit him.
Hes so sweet!
I just want to take him home.

the two new kitties:)

My husband got 2 kittens today. One of his co workers found them on the side of the road, in the rain and brought them to work.
There were 4. But 2 were taken. I have the other 2. Kevin couldn't leave them behind.
And they both have extra toes, is so weird.
But they are so cute.
And one has a bob tale, and the other has a flat chest.
I am in the middle of caring for them til we can find them a home. I would love to keep them, But I have 3 already... and that would be too much.
So if you know of anyone, let me know.

Omg! What the fuck is goin to happen to me next?
It's like I can't get a break from anything anymore.
I didn't get any sleep last night. AT ALL!
No matter how hard I tried to sleep, I had this weird feeling all night
this feeling like something was gonna happen to today.
When I finally did fall asleep, I had to wake up. I had to take my lil
Kitten to the vet. Shes really really sick.
But then when I got there I stood in line for 30 damn mins,
and then they tell me that they don't see new patients today...
I'm thinking WTF?! Thats so retarded! So I go home.
I couldn't go to bed. I found a number of an animal clinic
and I called and with luck they were able to see me today.
So I go. I get meds. And I'm out of there. And going home.
I give her the meds, and I notice she started to act funny.
Tired, And she kept grabbing a hold of me for dear life meowing in pain.
I'm freaking out! I tell kevin. The next thing I know shes
having seizures!!!! WTF?!
We take her to vet. Racing down the 826 because the only 24 hour
clinic is all the way in sunset! We get there. She has to stay over night.
I am praying that she will get better.

But then theres another problem, Her vet bill is like 500 dollars...
And I was in the middle of planning my baby shower... I am doubting that I
am goin to have it when I said I was... I am either going to
have to push it back again.
In which I'm due July 31 so I don't have far to push it.
Or...
Not having it at all. So idk yet. It's still in the wood work.
I'm sad... depressed... all that goodness....

omg! I woke up so late today! lol
That could be bescause I went to be late as hell last night.
I think I fell asleep at like 6 in the morning, and i woke up at
almost 7 tonight. lol
WOW!
A whold day gone, but then it wasnt so bad. I mean
when I woke up it was rainy and nasty, so yea... that was good.

On other news, I am home bored as hell! lol
I want to go out.
But I have no where to go. And nothing to do... Sucks.
And none of my friends want to hang out ever. lol.
so yea.

Ok well with my first son, Alex I had a big problem with depression afterward... It looks like this time around I am getting it a bit early. I feel like I don't want to see anyone. I just want to stay in my house all to myself... and just disappear.
I have this little kitty at my house that a friend found. She couldn't keep her, so I took her in. Not knowing, neither caring that the little one was a wee bit sick.
Well I have been trying to make her well again. But I can't afford to take her to the vet at this moment. I have so many expenses that I have to worry about. And now the little one is getting worse. I am afraid she might die soon, and knowing me I will not be able to handle that. I am already feeling crappy about it.
I have to keep her locked away in a cage so she doesn't get my other cat sick, and hearing her cry to be let out is breaking my heart... I just don't have any other choice though. But I feel like a monster.
It's starting to get me depressed really bad... and I don't want to take it out on Kevin. But I know I will...
OMG! I just want all this to be over already.

If this is a horrible dream...*wake up*

idk what I am goin to do today. I know that its suppose to be a beach day... but I don't feel like goin to the beach. I don't have a swim suit and I don't want to wander around with my big belly out.
And anyways when I go anywhere I can't even walk around... I get into pain. And it sucks ass!
I am so tired of being pregnant already!! I want this baby out of me so I can start to build a normal life. And I want to get rid of the belly.... I feel so fat:(
Well at least I don't have that much longer... (9 more weeks)
thank god!

Well I am about 30 weeks pregnant now. I am here sitting at home, on the computer like I do most of the time. Even though I am in pain sitting up... I am in pain most of the time. I cant really do much of anything with out some sort of discomfort, somewhere.
My feet are swollen and my spine towards my ass is in so much pain, and I have this weird feeling in my pelvic area. All the pressure is weighing down and starting to take its toll.
I can't believe I am due in 2 months. I can't wait to get baby Jayden Christian Pelaez out of me.
I am giving him daddy's last name. Since me and daddy are getting married sometime next month! So I am excited about that.

My friend found a little baby kitten, she couldn't keep it so I took it. Shes a little sick. But I am taking care of her. She is a cutie tho.

Let me fill yall in on whats been goin on these past few days. I am about to have my baby in the next few months. I am said to have it July 31. So lets hope that it comes on time. Lol and not sooner.
Other than that its pretty normal, Me and kevin are planning on getting married soon. Maybe June 10. When we make a year. And were gonna have our family soon. So thats a good thing. My life is pretty content. Other than the fact of me always bein home and everything and it getting super boreing! all the time.

I love a great guy. I have my fears that maybe he does things behind my back. But I know that those are probably natural, and I should not let it affect the way I am with him. I know that if I act all crazy it could rip us apart.

We met last year when I was working a Bj's Wholesale club. I didn't notice him at first when I was working there because I was dating someone eles and we worked at different hours. But me and the guy I was with didn't last long, only a few weeks into working there. But shortly after I was seeing someone eles.
But that one fell apart fast too. He turned out to be a total jerk.

About the time that one ended Was when I met him. Or noticed him at work. I started to work late and thats when he would work. And I slowly started to notice him looking at me when he would stay late to help his brother (who also worked there). And we shared some smiles every now and then.

Until one day I was one of the last people to leave work, he stayed with me outside until my ride came and picked me up. I noticed he was a pretty nice guy. But i was with someone so I didn't act on it.
But day after day the guy I was with was too jealous with me. And that pushed me towards being Kevins' friend. I remember the corny line I used on him to get his number.
He walked by me and asked me if I needed anything. And I remember telling him, "no. but you know what you could get me is your number."
Talk about corny....

I think the next day at work I remember him taking me to lunch at burger king. I know it wasn't much, but I only had 30 mins. And when I walked outside to his car He tells me to wait he has to clean the seat because it was a mess. When I walked to the car There was a single rose layin there.
Mind you I still had a bf at that time. I wasn't expecting that at all. I thought it was so sweet. I hadn't gotten flowers in soooo long.

A few days later I got into a huge fight with my bf. And we were suppose to go to Bush Gardens. But we ended up breaking up. I was crushed... And i was with my friend. And she needed to get gas, So I called Kevin up because I needed to hang out with someone. Because my friend talked about her bf 24/7... So he was willing to meet us at the Bp in the middle of the night.

We met and we talked and all that. I cried...
And I invited him back to house, And I invited him inside. We talked and it was innocent. But I remember I looked up at him and I felt this warmth inside him. And I don't know what happen, but I remember I kissed him. lol... well, made out with him.
I almost asked him to stay the night, even though by the time he left it was about 5 a.m.
And my ex came over shortly after Kevin left and we talked. And we got back together. I kinda thought that was goin to be the end of that. I felt bad... But I was with someone eles at the time. We ended up goin to Busch Gardens. And when I got back the next day I had to go straight to work. And I don't know why... But I went to the tire center before going in. And I went to see Kevin. I just hugged him.

Later that day I got off early, so I asked Kevin if he wanted to go with me to Chilis to get lunch since I got off early. I didn't know that my bf would go nuts and go to my job. And not finding me there he lost it.
And called me when I was in the middle of lunch. I told him I wasn't doing anything. But he didn't believe me at all. And he broke up with me. I didn't fight it though. And I didn't cry. I went back to sit with Kevin and ate lunch. And flirted with him.
Hugging him, Cuddling with him. And then his ex texted him. And that was crazy....

To cut this short. WE ended up dating. We made it offical a few days later. And we haven't spent a day apart since...

Well yesterday when I came home, I was with Jonathan... And It was such a sad day. At 5:45 this morning he went to MEPS, and will be on a plane to New Jersey, And on completion of that he will be on his way to California... for 8 years... I didnt want to cry yesterday, I didnt want to cry. I didnt think I was going to miss him so much! But I do... I love you Jonathan, and I hope taht you make it, and I hope that you are safe, and my thoughts go with you, where you go. Please keep in touch with me, and Love me. Becasue regardless of everything that we have been through... We have remained close to eachother. And we will always have Alexander to remind us of one another, And of the love we shared long ago.
I hope to see you some day soon! I am proud of you!
Congrats on everything!!!!!

I love you with all of my heart!

Always and Forever!!!!! Ur in my heart and I will never forget you. I love you like I will never love another. <3

Well.. More changes going on in my life....

It seems I might be moving away.... By the end of the month. It hurts to leave all of my friends and I will miss all of you dearly!!!! I wish that I didnt have to... but it seems like I have no other choice. I dont want to leave Kevin... But I dont know what to do. I am sad, its some place new and different... and I wont have many friends... So please keep in touch with me!

I love all of you very much and I will miss you all!!!!!!!

When we got back from Busch Gardens, we went to her friend Josh's house to sleep for the night. She had to be to work by 7:30 am that morning. We got home at 4am. She slept in and called her job and told them that she was not going to be in until late. This may be a lie.... this much I was told.... i was asleep. She woke me up at 10:30 and I said omg wtf your so late now. She told me she called in and said she would be a few hours late. I took her to work and went home and got some sleep. I woke up at 3:30 to a text message from her saying that instead of her getting out at 4, she would be getting out at 7. I figured it was understandable because she came in late they probably would make her work late. I did some stuff around the house and got finished with everything I needed to do early so I decided to swing by at 6 and spend some time there hanging out and waiting for her day to finish. I got there at around 6:15. There were plenty of cashiers, and she was not among them. She was gone. I received a text message from her right when I arrived saying "she would call me." this is right after I had texted her asking if it was time for me to pick her up. She got out at 4 o clock on the dot that day. She was with him the rest of the day. I asked her if she was on lunch or something. I knew she wasnt. She said she was. So I told her she was lieing. Eventually she admitted she got out at 4. The little whore spent the day with him. She was cheating or was going to cheat. I had caught her in the act. She was going to have him drop her off at work and have me pick her up at 7. She is scum.

And that is how it ended. In a fit of rage I returned her stuff to her.... in pieces. I hope she cuts herself, or kills herself, or whatever. Her poor son will never have a fit mother. His mother is whore and a psychopath. She is a danger to herself and the child. Jonathan she is trying to take that kid away from you. This much I swear to you. I pitty the child, and the child only in this. For he is the only one who has hope. I pray to Jonathan you keep him. Do not let her get her hands on that kid for any kind of permanent amount of time. She's violent, and she is dangerous to herself and anyone who knows her. I now have an understanding of why you would never get back with a person like that. And you are right, Nathalie is bad, but way better than Joanna.

This is what I can recollect now. This is not everything. This is merely the things that have entered my mind through memory and sadness today. More things happened. Meaner things were said. For now this is how the story ends.

I went to work today, the day after. I noticed that I wasn't nearly as sad as I figured I would be. I think I bled myself dry so much during the relationship that I had nothing more to hurt about. It was over. The bitch was gone. I looked at myself maniacally in the mirror today while I was working out. I looked into my own eyes and I saw the person I once was. I saw the person who graduated highschool with a million friends. I saw the person who was loved by so many and had such a bright future ahead of him. I was the guy who had standards and applied them rigidly to the prospective women he would date. This is who I am. Not the person I've been. I am fallen. But I know where I come from. Bitches will come and go. Heartache will come and pass. But the person I am. The guy inside, who loves and is loved, is stronger than anything any one person can try to take from me. I'll gladly pay any fine to have you rid from my life. I'm a free man again. The dark shroud of myself is dead. The good has returned. I am an innocent. And goodness now shall be the only company I keep. May the things you've done to me only be returned upon you. You have been through a terrible childhood, but you did not recover from it with grace, you let it destroy the person you were destined to be Joanna. And here you are now, you've taken a person that loved you, and overtime broke his spirit so low that he had nothing but sadness in his heart, and then you took that husk of a man that was left dieing, but still trying to make it work and cheated on him. You are the lowest of low. And I hope what happened to you as a child pales in comparison to what happens to you in the future. Goodbye.

The words i could say and the things that i could tell people make my friends hate him, and make him look like scum... But I wont. I will sit back and listen to the words that he has to say about me, because frankly i thinks its terribly funny. I mean he has to write a 4 page report about what happen between us.... ?
Now for a little bit of justifacation for me, Now as for the fact of him goin around talking about that I cheated on him, NEVER!!! I never did it and NEVER intended on cheating on him. He knew that my phone was a piece of crap(metro) c'mon!!!! And at times when I would send a text message they wouldnt go through.... And at times when they would text me... I didnt get it.... And i sent him messages sayin that i was gonna get out of work, I got out of work a little bit early, about 5:45 and I left there at about 6... so I had just missed him. I didnt get out at 4... like he says i did... you can check my clock out time at work... and go eat lunch with a friend. Weither he got it... IDK. But I texted it to him a few times to make sure he got it. And Yea I was out with the guy you see in the pictures... But he was simply there at the right time... I didnt have any thought of doin anything with him. For the simple fact that I did Love Roland....

He calls me raisin hell, now what I suppose to say to him screamin at me... I told him I was out and I would call him back later, but he insisted on knowing where I was who I was with and all that 24-7.... It was always like. He had to know what I was doin... I didnt feel like I was dating him... I felt like he was my Father at times.

I tried to talk to him, and tell him I wasnt gonna cheat on him or do anything like that.... But he wants to judge me by my past. What would i be without my past?

I wouldnt be me, and you know what so what if i slept with alot of people... you know what if it was reversed... It would be ok... but for the fact taht i am a girl its all of a sudden horrible. I am a whore.... whatever. judge me all taht you want... but until you really know who i am, what i have done in my past, what i have seen, been through... yuo dont know shit... and cant judge me... this goes to roland... You never really knew who i was and thats why our relationship was so bad. you simply did not understand the person that i was.
We simply clashed... and it wasnt meant to be... so spread all the rumors you must and say all the most horrible things taht you want about me... but all it does is make you look bad.
I am not gonna back lash you or talk shit... I am alot older tahn taht. wreck your car or any of taht. I am bigger than that. yea you know what your not innocent you did hurt me alot.

If you love some one and you know taht have a few problems in th=ier life and do something wrong dont rub it in thier face. And call them shit and make them feel like shit... tahts what you did.
you try and make em feel better. not worse... tossing fuel on a fire wont put it out... but make it worse.

So please grow up and stop with all of this...

I know I have done some wrong, but i know i did not deserve what you did to me, and I would never do any thing like taht to anyone... not even Barnes... and we ended horrible... because of you............

well here are some pics so u people can see the damage.




so yea... i called the police on him, and the put a bench arrent on him. so if he comes near me or gets pulled over... yea...
and i am takin him to court to pay for the damges too. so yea......

i need a lawyer.

roland is a fag......

i hope he dies......

he broke all of my cds all of my movies, and ripped my concert tickets....

all 300 cds!!!!! all of them!!!!

I was thinkin about you today... ha! what a dork i am... i kno....
i sent you 2 messages i hope you read it! i really do....

here is a song for you


I still hear your voice, when you sleep next to me.
I still feel your touch in my dreams.
Forgive me my weakness, but I don't know why.
Without you it's hard to survive.

Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling.
And everytime we kiss I swear I can fly.
Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last.
Need you by my side.
Cause everytime we touch, I feel this static.
And everytime we kiss, I reach for the sky.
Can't you hear my heart beat so
I can't let you go.
Want you in my life.

Your arms are my castle, your heart is my sky.
They wipe away tears that I cry.
The good and the bad times, we've been through them all.
You make me rise when I fall.

Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling.
And everytime we kiss I swear I can fly.
Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last.
Need you by my side.
Cause everytime we touch, I feel this static.
And everytime we kiss, I reach for the sky.
Can't you hear my heart beat so
I can't let you go.
Want you in my life

Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling.
And everytime we kiss I swear I can fly.
Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last.
Need you by my side


*cascada-everytime*


RISE AGAINST LYRICS

"Dancing For Rain"

we're losing daylight but i can't work any faster.
under the veil of dust we go on
don't close your eyes.
what if it all disapears in the shadows
that reach from the stars

if i held my ground would you ask me to change?
this drought bleeds on now we're dancing for rain
we drink the air but it's still not the same
these worlds collide but the distance remains
we point the finger, never accept the blame and i know.. i know

let's go!

the waters come but the fire still rages on here
the men all shrugged their shoulders and left
we sleep so sound in rooms just up the stairs
will you save us like you saved them?

if i held my ground would you ask me to change?
this drought bleeds on now we're dancing for rain
we drink the air but it's still not the same
these worlds collide but the distance remains
we point the finger, never accept the blame and i know.. i know

you've bled me dry, but i'm still breathing
i swear i'm sucking dry the sky
and you won't ever find us kneeling
or swallowing your lies

if i held my ground would you ask me to change?
this drought bleeds on now we're dancing for rain
we drink the air but it's still not the same
these worlds collide but the distance remains
we point the finger, never accept the blame, and i know.. i know

this drought bleeds on... this drought bleeds on.